Blessing the Beloved

Unstuck

2011-12-20T17:49:00.000-08:00

[this post is part of a group synchroblog: Advent Synchroblog: Part Two Check out other bloggers posts at the end of this post. I will add more as they are submitted]

As I mentioned in a previous advent post, I felt God had allowed me to go into a blessing of an early advent with amazing gifts of hope, peace, joy and love! It all started this past summer with increased time in His Word and allowing that to transform my heart. As we all know, His Word can heal, can change us and can give us the hope we need to receive His Gift.

Then, around September, I had one of the most transforming blessings. I connected with some physical therapy colleagues who were working on healing for trauma. The reason I'm SO excited about it is because it got me UNSTUCK! AND, it is a technique that is in my own field of practice! SO much hope in my own healing and SO much hope in healing others! It is something that not only helped me release macrotrauma(Paralysis in His Presence), but also cumulative microtrauma! I could go on forever talking about this because it is my heart, it is my passion, it is my gifting and calling. It has been really fun and exciting for me to share this with colleagues and to sit across from some of my counselor friends and share. An exciting new approach to take care of the body component of soul care. OK, almost a whole other post...well wait, a whole other blog: for more information see: Tamyra L. Carter, MS, PT All that being said, it is the very thing that freed me from some oppressive things and what I believe allowed me to go into this advent season in a place of freedom and well, not only freedom, but victory!

This advent season, my heart actually was full of expectations! Expectations of continued healing for myself and for others. Considering the previous season of victory God just took me through, well I guess my expectations or maybe my hope was still really high in celebrating His healing and this Gift that He gave me! He came and each week blessed my life literally or spiritually with each theme of hope, peace, joy and love!

First week, HOPE! As I began moving into treating more of my patients with this new technique, I was able to see some significant changes. Seeing one get more and more out of isolation and into a variety of activities! Seeing one step into increased confidence and self-esteem! I can't believe He is allowing me to be His hands in this way! So much hope for healing! So much hope for freedom!

Second week, peace! I continued with increasing times in His Word and times in prayer. So, naturally, this brought a lot of peace to my heart. It has truly been a new season of returning to first love. It was hard not to be upset with myself for being influenced by some oppressive things in past seasons but, He gently reminded me of His grace, forgiveness and mercy. I had missed these times of basking and soaking in His Glory! Peace, peace, peace...and, many deep breaths of release and relief!

Third week, JOY! Oh WOW! What do I say about this except it was one of my favorite weeks. I remember laughing with a friend one time and realizing I was in one of those laughing moments with belly aching laughs and tears. At that time, I told her that I had that happen with my family when I was home for Thanksgiving. It dawned on me...I haven't laughed that hard in years!

Not only that, as I continued with these increased times of being in His presence, well, I also turned those times into moments of great joy in worship and DANCING! Yes, I said dancing! But, don't worry, I didn't get as crazy as David did! I love being in the "mosh pit" at worship gatherings and my soul was so desiring worship! Some may think I'm crazy, but that's okay. I'm not embarrassed to dance with my Savior. Dancing with Jesus has always been one of those special ways I praise Him. He is SO worthy of this praise! (check out my very first post of this blog on dancing: Dance Beloved, Dance!). Dancing with great JOY in gratitude!

Fourth week, love. Well, this week seemed much like the peace week in healing for my heart. I had some loving friends step forward and finally tell me some truths. Some had been afraid to approach me because they thought I wouldn't listen. And well, they were probably right. When we are in rebellion we don't listen and we tend to think rebellion is actually freedom. I received two gifts that week with information on spiritual abuse recovery and didn't quite understand. Mainly because I've never been directly involved in something like that. Anyway, I felt so much love and compassion from friends and family. It was a little overwhelming! To know they were watching and concerned and praying for me meant the world to me. There is a certain love that is felt knowing God loves us and is watching over us, but it's an added blessing to realize many that love us are doing the same thing. Feeling this love allowed me to be in a place of accepting their accountability and encouragement.

And, last but not least, the Christ candle! I spent Christmas morning lighting my little advent set-up of candles and again, in His Word, in praise, in worship with singing and playing my keyboards and just sitting in contemplative prayer! It was an amazing gift. The first Christmas that I have ever spent alone, and I never felt alone...because I wasn't. At a time when we celebrate God's greatest Gift, my heart was full of His presence and His love. And, I was full of so much hope in really believing He was giving me my calling, His gift to others. What an astonishing and loving God we serve to send and sacrifice His own Son!

Now, maybe this sounds all touchy-feely good, and in some ways it actually was. But, as we all know whenever we walk forward into His purpose for our lives, we meet with some attack and hindrance. Jesus definitely had more than His share of roadblocks on His way to the cross. His closest friends abandoned and betrayed Him at the moment He was accused and sentenced to die...His purpose for coming. They failed to stick with Him through the pain and suffering that He was about to endure. So, as you can imagine, I did have times when Satan tried to discourage me and honestly, had some people in my life "run away" and give up. The cool thing, it didn't seem to trip me up all that much. When we fix our eyes on Him and ground ourselves in His word, this helps us endure times of suffering. And, often it's times of suffering for righteousness sake. And, in a way that brings me back to JOY(read James 1)! Great joy in moving towards His purpose for me.

So, overall, I believe I received everything that I was expecting, or like I said, hoping for this advent season! He came in so many ways to bless my life. It was definitely filled with confirmation and promise of His calling for my life and the gift of healing. His coming was the best gift any of us could ever ask for! And, this advent season He came in so many special ways that it's sometimes hard for me to believe. My hope and prayer is that He would continue to come in special ways in all of our lives. Giving us hope, peace, JOY and love! Merry Christmas and God bless you all!

This is my amazing kick-ass healing team that got me UNSTUCK!

Check out the links to other synchrobloggers below:

Glenn Hager @ breathe - Underwear for Christmas

Jeremy Myers @ Till He Comes - The Unexpected Gift from Jesus

Jeff Goins - The Day After Christmas: A Lament

Wendy McCaig - Unwanted Gifts: You Can Run But You Can Not Hide

Christine Sine @ Godspace - The Wait Is Over - What Did I Get?

Maria Kettleson Anderson @ The Real Journey - The Baby We Just Celebrated

Leah Sophia @ desert spirit's fire! - Still Waiting For Redemption

Kathy Escobar @ the carnival in my head - Pain Relief Not Pain Removal

Ellen Haroutunian - Jesus came, did you get what you expected?

Carol Kuniholm @ Words Half Heard - What the Magi Found

Sally @ Eternal Echoes - unexpected...

Flightplan

2011-10-11T06:07:00.000-07:00

[This post is part of a group synchroblog. This month the bloggers will explore the idea of downward mobility and other themes in Kathy Escobar’s book, Down We Go. Check out the awesome bloggers in the links below! I will add more to the list as they are posted.]

I had plenty of things that got stirred up in me while reading Kathy Escobar's "Down we Go". I don't think one post would suffice to really list all those things. I one time told Kathy that I had somewhat of a love-hate relationship with her book. I think it's because I love the ideas, but I also have realized that I am extremely limited in my ability to help with those she defines as marginalized. I have the skills and all kinds of dreams that I believe would help heal the sick and free people from chronic pain. But, no open doors quite yet. However, I honestly believe I work with the marginalized every day(mostly geriatric population)...and, at times, I believe I have fallen into that category. I think we all have been marginalized in some way, shape or form at some time in our lives.

I do know that I was especially stirred with the "Pursuing Justice" chapter...primarily the time and loneliness factors. It truly does take time to sit down and be with someone in relationship and truly listen before we can understand someone's story, their needs and exactly how they are being oppressed by those around them(or as Kathy would say, people "powering up" on us). She mentions sacrifice of time in that chapter and I too believe that is huge. Too often that is something that no one wants to give, let alone be in relationship with someone. Relationships during horrible seasons seem to be time spent with those we pay...as Kathy mentions, it's people like your therapist, doctor, lawyer, psychologist, etc. Spending time with someone is the only way we see the truth in someone's heart. And, when we know the truth...often standing up for that gets lonely too...

So, if you haven't seen the movie Flightplan, you may not know what I'm trying to get at here regarding being alone in pursuit of the truth. I think maybe Flightplan stirred me the same way The Great Debaters stirred Kathy. She mentions the main character Samantha struggling and having courage to keep standing up for what is right despite the loneliness and difficulties(p.187). Different movies, but the same in standing up for what is right. Often when we're seeing the truth and standing up for it sometimes it will be lonely and even those around us may not believe! p.s.-if you haven't seen the movie and don't want it ruined, stop reading now and do not watch the below clip...watch the movie and then finish reading/watching! ;-)

But, if you've seen the movie, you know that Kyle Pratt(Jodi Foster) is on a flight with her daughter, Julia. They are heading home after Kyle's husband is killed falling off of a roof. What isn't known early on is Kyle is being sabotaged. In short, her husband was actually pushed off of the roof and now, the morgue director, one flight attendant and a federal marshal have kidnapped her daughter and have made up a story to make it look like Kyle is delusional and that her daughter was killed too.

Besides the movie just being really intense and good, it really does show how sometimes a person can be alone in fighting for what they know is the truth. Before the ending, Kyle dealt with pretty much the whole plane thinking she was crazy! The whole time, Kyle knows in her heart what the truth is. Even a counselor on the plane that tries to talk to Kyle doesn't believe her...and the worst, the captain doesn't believe her!

Just imagine having something so deep in your heart that you know is the truth and the people around you, on the same flight...headed to the same destination won't believe you and help you! Honestly, I think that happens amongst believers more often than we like to admit. Our pride gets in the way, we go with the flow, the cultural trends, or even as Kathy would say, the status quo. What if one person, just took the time to listen, believe in you and not be afraid to take a stand with you?!

The last clip is the best(see below)!!! A little longer(~5'), but SO WORTH watching!! It is the end of the movie, but is where the truth is revealed! Kyle does find Julia and as she comes walking away from the plane holding her, everyone is shocked. And, the amazing thing to me is the only one to approach her and apologize...the captain. Again, isn't that how it sometimes goes? We are sometimes owed apologies from those around us and no one ever has the courage and humility to do that! Only our "Captain" knows and comes to our side!

Okay, off my Flightplan, time and loneliness soap box. But, it is what I believe has been stirred in my heart lately. Whether Jesus is leading me "down" to spend time with the oppressed and lonely, I don't know. I certainly can relate in some form or another. So, I'm not sure it's downward for me. I think it's looking at people from every walks of life and realizing no one is better/worse than me and I don't believe I go down or bow to anyone else's level to go and help them. I think I just be with those that God has placed right front of me. Maybe I'm reading/understanding "downward mobility" wrong and maybe I don't even understand it at all right now. I think maybe it's because I've been blessed by so many people that "in the world" may have lower financial status than me, but I believe that maybe "in the Kingdom" they are actually above me?!! Like Kathy said, we just have to listen to them...listen to those around us. The Kingdom is everywhere and in so many hearts that see the truth. We just may end up being alone when we stand up for that truth! But, rest assured that in the end, the truth will be revealed.

Links to other synchrobloggers:

Jeremy Myers - Till He Comes - Seeking the Next Demotion

Glenn Hager - Breathe - Pretty People

David Derbyshire - CharisMissional - Reaching the Innner City

Liz Dyer - Grace Rules - A Beautiful Mess

Christine Sine - Godspace - No Failure in the Kingdom of God

Leah Sophia - desert spirit's fire - down we go

Kathy Escobar - the carnival in my head - we may look like losers re-dux

Anthony Ehrhardt - Ant Writes - Slumming It For Jesus

Sonja Andrews - Calacirian - Diversion and Distraction

Marta Layton - Fidesquaerens - Down The Up Staircase

Wendy McCAIG - Wendy McCAIG - A Material Girl

Alan Knox - the assembling of the church - How low can you go?

Leah Randall - Journal from Zarephath - Jacked-Up

Leah Randall - Rantings of a Protestant Heretic - How Low Can We Go

Maria Kettleson Anderson - The Real Journey - Down

Hugh Hollowel - Hugh's Views - Downward

Loyalty and Valor

2011-08-08T15:46:00.000-07:00

[This post is part of a group synchroblog. This month the bloggers are reviewing books they have read or movies they have seen this summer! Check out the awesome blogger's links below! I will add to the list as they come in!]

Last week I went to see Cars 2. It is a Disney-Pixar animated comedy, adventure & action film/movie. The “stars” are Lightning McQueen(voice is Owen Wilson), Tow Mater(voice is Larry the Cable Guy) and Finn McMissle(voice is Michael Cain). Lightning McQueen is a well known race car that has won the prestigious Piston Cup in America. So, he heads out to race in the World Grand Prix of racing to determine the fastest car in the world. McQueen asks his best friend, Tow Mater to come with him. Tow Mater is a tow truck from a place called Radiator Springs. Radiator Springs is a fictional small town, “off the beaten path” of Route 66 in America.

One of the first stops on McQueen and Mater’s adventure is a welcoming banquet in Tokyo where all the “stars” and the prestigious racing cars are gathering. One thing that I remember hitting me is McQueen basically telling Mater to “act differently” because he wasn’t back in Radiator Springs. This became a key problem that almost destroys this friendship because McQueen was basically telling Mater that he was embarrassed by him in front of the other "stars" and he was basically telling Mater he needed to be someone he wasn't. Hard thing to do for someone like Mater. Mater is just a small town, “innocent”, genuine-hearted friend that loves McQueen and would be loyal and helpful to him in ANY situation.

Unfortunately, at the banquet and at the first race, Mater gets tangled up with two British spies who actually mistake Mater for an American spy. Mater ends up being sabotaged at the banquet and then, accidentally messes up and causes McQueen to lose his first race. The sad words that I remember McQueen saying to Mater at this point: “I don’t need your help and I don’t want your help.”

At this point in the film McQueen continues on in his travels to different races and Mater tries to leave to fly home, but ends up in his own crazy adventure with the two British spies. Mater keeps trying to tell the British spies he’s “just a tow truck”, but they continue on in believing he’s a spy. Even at one point, one of the British spies, Finn McMissle makes a statement that hurts Mater. He tells Mater that his cover-up as an “idiot tow truck” is a good disguise. So, here’s Mater caught up in nobody hearing him, believing him or seeing him for who he really is. And, even mocking who he really is…seeing him only as an “idiot tow truck”. Sabotage, false-accusations and no one hearing…seeing him and his true heart. And the reality is that Mater’s true heart is nothing but love and loyalty for his friend McQueen.

In the film, the whole British spy saga ends up being tied in with the racing cars. The British spies DO end up being good guys and are trying to destroy an evil professor who is sabotaging the oil/fuel in the racing cars and causing them to wreck. In the end, Mater does end up helping them…and, his friend McQueen.

While Mater is off dealing with this issue, McQueen is having a big change of heart and realizes that he was wrong. He realized that he hurt Mater and asked him to be someone that he wasn’t. He really has a change in Italy when Luigi’s(one of McQueen’s pit crew) uncle starts telling him how there’s the best of arguments in good relationships and says, "He who finds a friend finds a treasure." And, in the end, there is a scene when Mater starts running away from McQueen. McQueen latches on to Mater and says, "Mater, I am sticking by you, the way you always stick by me."

If you haven’t seen the movie, you should. I know animation can sometimes be considered a “kids movie”, but it definitely has appeal for us “adults”. It was a great story of loyalty and courage in relationship. I laughed at some goofy things, but I definitely cried too(yes, I can be the sappy girl with movies).

I think I got especially touched with this movie right now because I’ve been doing a little retrospection about some great friends. I celebrated my 20th Spiritual Birthday with Jesus last week and it made me think of a group of friends that I’ve been friends with for over 20 years! This has been really cool to think about. These friends were the first ones to nickname me the “golden retriever”. They were the first friends that really saw my true heart.

I think sometimes we all can overlook and shove away the loyal and true friends in our lives. But, just like McQueen, sometimes we figure it out and realize, we are putting up walls towards the wrong people. McQueen may have been living as a high speed race car “star” and SAID he didn’t want or need Mater’s help. But, he really did. He needed some one with loyalty and valor that ran deep and would sacrifice for him. McQueen really did need Mater’s help. And, I believe he wanted it too.

“I hold out hope that even the relationships that look precarious and sharp can surprise us, that in reaching out we might find them soft.” –Jen Lee

Links to other synchrobloggers:

Steve @ Khanya Summer Reading
Andrea @ Andrea's Balancing Act What do my favorite books say about me?
Jeremy Myers @ Till He Comes A Book that Invades Your Dreams
Liz Dyer @ Grace Rules Weblog 12 Movies and a Novel
K.W. Leslie @ the Evening of Kent My summer reading list. Thus far.
Maria Kettleson Anderson @ The Real Journey Fiction, Movies & TV
Steve Knight @ Knightopia Down We Go
Kathy Escobar @ The Carnival in My Head movies + books = summer fun
Peter Walker @ Emerging Christian This is for All the Lonely People
Carie @ Carie's Garden Thar be dragons...
Sonnie @ A Piece of My Mind How to Train Your Dragon
Amber @ Growing Pains Summer Readings

Random Biblical Calendar Thoughts, Unity & Love

2011-06-07T14:03:00.000-07:00

[This post is part of a group synchroblog. This month the bloggers will share stories/thoughts related to faith, feasts and foreshadowing, the Jewish feast of Shavu'ot or Pentecost and Col. 2:16-17. Check out the awesome blogger's links below! I will add to the list as they come in!]

I can't say that I officially "celebrate" Jewish feasts or Pentecost specifically. However, I really like the Biblical Calendar and the idea of observing appointed times in some form or another, whether individually or cooperately. In my personal walk, I believe it challenges me to stay in a place of consistency and getting to know Jesus through prayer and scripture. The daily and weekly observances of prayer and Sabbath keep me focused and then the new moons and festivals give me a chance to look back and celebrate all the work He has done on my behalf for my spiritual growth. It's His invitation to us for sanctification and I believe this sanctification helps us grow in unity with Him and as one Body in love.

“Therefore no one is to act as your judge in regard to food or drink or in respect to a festival or a new moon or a Sabbath day— things which are a mere shadow of what is to come; but the substance belongs to Christ.” – Col. 2:16-17

I guess I read this scripture as a command to not judge if and how someone is spending their time observing appointed times and to look to Christ as our example in how we live out our lives. But, I believe Jesus actually did model observing these times in relationship with His Father and with us. Seems to me like He was consistently going off to a quiet place to pray and then spending time with His disciples...then the masses, etc.

So, for me, I believe I've reached a point in my journey that I know things like daily communion, consitent prayer and weekly Sabbath really help me. Consistently they seem to provide that needed peace in His presence that allows me to somewhat "recharge" and then, love others more. I’ve had seasons where this has been hard fought, but I believe it was just my flesh wanting an easy way out. I've also had some “wrestling matches” with God where I needed to get over pride and anger in order to just begin to pray. So, I know these things happen and consitent times aren't always possible for us. But, I believe He helps us develop a longing and a heart that continues in this pursuit. It seems whatever season we’re in, He honors that and shows up in perfect timing because of His love for us. I’m not talking about striving and anything WE can do on our own...or about "works". I’m just talking about a longing and an open heart to always surrender and seek Him because He loves for us to spend time with Him. Consitent times can give us a knowing deep inside of us about where we need to be...sitting at His feet...following Him...serving others...loving others.

“People who cultivate their prophetic gift through prayer, trial and error, intense study of God’s Word, and the slow formation of godly character pay a high price to offer their gifts to the body. For this reason, they hold my highest respect—as does Paul (read 1 Corinthians 14).” – Mike Klassen

There is so much truth to this statement. We can observe times of consistent prayer, study and worship(individually and cooperately) that allow our gifts to serve one another in love...loving each other...loving the body. It can be times of truly sitting at His feet and hearing what He has to say. After all, we can not really hear Him if we aren't with Him...listening. And, if we aren't, we can't love others well and serve them as He is leading.

Love really needs to be what over comes our tendancy to judge one another on these things. Meaning, how we worship, when we worship, what it looks like. Latley, for me, my observances have been that of witnessing this strange split. It's like some of us are saying, “oh they’re too judgmental and have too much stern discipline and no grace” and then others of us saying “oh they don’t have accountability for their sins and are doing scriptural gymnastics”, etc. It’s SO AMAZINGLY PAINFUL to watch and read and hear some of this. In the last few years I have honestly had conversations where people tell me they have been accused of being called things like “the whore of Babylon”, “Judas” or “Jezebel”. WHAT?!? My heart cringes about this because none of these things are true about any of us! It makes me wonder what God thinks of it and that we all should just fall to our knees and pray like mad for His Mercy to fall on ALL of us. It's truly not loving(more of what I believe about love: Humility, Sacrifice and Love!)

I know, I’m rabbit trailing a bit on this one...but, it's what He has put on my heart lately and actually for awhile. My heart always seems to gravitate towards unity…we are one and we’re in this war together. It's just a prayer of my heart to stop creating battles against one another. A prayer that we CAN observe these times in assembly together and stand by one another in love. Our consistent times or intercession may just be what "tips those bowls over in Heaven" for a fellow brother or sister allowing them to walk in freedom.

After all, it's all in His heart for us…it is all in the Torah! And, we know the entire Torah hangs on two things…Love God, Love our Neighbor. So, observing appointed times I believe can help us grow and learn to love God and others...unifying.
I don’t know about you, Beloved. But, Shavu'ot seems to be an amazingly great and powerful season this year! It's really exciting because I believe the Holy Spirit IS here and showing up and allowing a little fire and a few birth pangs. And, in the end it will be so good and so beautiful. But, I can’t lie, I'm ready for autumn, I'm ready for that trumpet blast!

Thanks for reading my friends and Shabbat Shalom(for my HaYesod friends)!

List of Synchrobloggers:

Kerri @ Earth's Crammed With Heaven - Transformation
Sarita Brown @ Gypsy Queen Journals - Pentecost: A Poem
Jeremy Myers @ Till He Comes - The Incarnation of the Temple, Torah and Land
K.W. Leslie @ More Christ - Pentecost
Liz Dyer @ Grace Rules - We Cannot Capture The Wind
Emma Nadine @ Life by List - An Outpouring of the Spirit
Marta Layton @ Marta's Mathoms - Shadow of Things to Come
Abbie Waters @ No Longer "Not Your Grandfather's CPA" - Spiritual Gifts
Bill Sahlman @ Creative Reflection - A "Wild Goose" Festival at Pentecost
John O'Keefe @ john c. o'keefe - What's With This
Kathy Escobar @ Kathy Escobar - more than the leftovers

Put down the axe

2011-03-07T20:46:00.000-08:00

[This post is part of a group synchroblog. This month the bloggers will be sharing insights and thoughts about Wilderness Experiences. I will add links to the other synchrobloggers below as they come in. Check them out! They are way cool.]

It recently occurred to me that I seem to always want that balance of remembering the “mountain top” season of blessings while I’m in the midst of a wilderness experience and yet, I also seem to want to remember what He showed me in the wilderness when I’m “on top of the mountain”!? It’s like I need to think about His blessings and great love for me to get through desert times and then, I need to remember my brokenness and my complete dependence on Him to humble myself when I’m on the mountain top!

And, as much as I hate to admit it, I think sometimes what I might call a wilderness experience may have been just circumstance or “hard times” versus Him truly testing me/transforming me. I can’t deny the fact that sometimes when an earthly comfort is taken away I’m the one that quickly wants to yell out, “You said You’d never heap upon me more than I can bear!” True confession...and, He hasn’t. And, earthly comforts aren’t really what I need. What I need is my heart to be transformed to trust Him. I need to trust the path that He has me on even though it may be through a wilderness. I also believe I'm one that tends to try so hard to get through the wilderness on my own strength or at least as fast as I can! Yea, that last one never works out for me neither!

Right now, I seem to be taking a look back at 5 years of wilderness. In these last 5 years, I truly have had many times of trauma, physical pain, heart pain, struggle and loss. During this time, I believe I always tried to look to Him and I have been very careful to listen to His voice. However, I believe at times I tried too hard. It’s like I've been trying so hard at being a good and faithful follower that I “missed the forest for the trees”. Like taking an axe and trying to work hard at chopping down a very large tree right in front of me. I kept chopping and swinging and hitting and believing the whole time the tree was going to fall over. And well, it never did.

It wasn’t until recently that I stopped. I stopped and realized that He wants me to just put down the axe and know that I can’t work at this any more. I can’t make things happen. I need to just stop and let HIM do the chopping. And, I believe right now He is chopping down that tree. He is showing me glimpses of the forest and I’m getting tastes of freedom that I believe will allow me to rest in Him and just enjoy Him…even in the wilderness.

Am I moving into another season? I sure hope so. But, I don’t believe there are any guarantees. And, I don’t know that our true desert or wilderness ever completely goes away here on earth. I believe it's part of this "tension" we all talk about and experience and can be there for all kinds of reasons, but mostly I believe the tension is there because we just don’t belong here. I believe it could be that we all are just longing to go home and longing to be with Him.

I would like to think that this 5 year wilderness I've experienced would be preparing me for something here on earth. Ministering to the traumatized, the broken-hearted, the abused or the forgotten? I don’t know. It's a hope...a dream. One that I pray He would bless and anoint. But, I just know that for right now I need to put down the axe. And I pray that I would leave it there. For the only thing I believe I can do is take baby steps each day into the plans He has for me. To do my best to surrender and just know He is there guiding each step. He is holding me, preparing me, guiding me and completing me. As His beloved, I pray I can truly know this, let it sink deep into my heart and trust Him.

10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
11 All who rage against you will surely be ashamed and disgraced;
those who oppose you will be as nothing and perish.
12 Though you search for your enemies, you will not find them.
Those who wage war against you will be as nothing at all.
13 For I am the LORD your God who takes hold of your right hand
and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you. -Isaiah 41:10-13

Links to Synchrobloggers below:

Patrick Oden - Musings Part One

Katherine Gunn - What is Wilderness?

Wendy McCaig - A Voice Calling in the Wilderness

EmmaNadine - Life in the Wilderness

Jeremy Myers - The Gaping Chasm of Suicide
Kathy Escobar - belonging.
Steve Hayes - Anatomy of exile
Marta Layton - On Sabbath's, Mountain-Tops...and Brother's Keepers
Liz Dyer - Beauty In The Wilderness
Christen Hansel - Snapshots of the Desert

Courage

2011-02-15T07:54:00.000-08:00

Recently two words have become a focus or maybe a "challenge" for all of us at my church; humility and courage. I am definitely still a work in progress regarding humility. But, since I've written about humility (Humility, Sacrifice & Love) before, I thought I'd write about courage this time.

In the past few months, I have had an amazing picture of a lion just kind of following me around. It started with being absolutely amazed when I first saw a big billboard of Aslan that was advertising the new Narnia movie. It just struck me as something very powerful and yet, very tender...something very strong and yet, very gentle...something a little dangerous, yet safe.

This image definitely seemed to make me think that courage can be somewhat of a contradiction in terms.  So, I wonder, are we courageous when we step out into our greatest strength or our greatest weakness? Are we courageous when we are trying something new or "dangerous", or are we courageous when we are confident in something safe and comfortable?

I believe courage is something that we display when we are entering the unknown, facing fear or shame, facing pain or taking that journey to triumph over sin...over evil. A bold mindset to LIVE, yet to die to flesh and temptations that hinder us...bind us.

Here is a little poem I wrote about COURAGE...

Courage to live
     but willing to die
To flesh that's weak
     His will be mine

Courage to stand
     for what is right
Triumph over sin
     in the dark of night

Courage to remain
     when all have left
Front line danger
     opposition met

Courage to love
     and see the heart
Longing to be free
     the wounded part

Courage to speak
     a voice within
Firmness of mind
     again and again

Courage to let go
     of fear and shame
Letting my heart
     receive His grace
                    -Tammy Carter

So, Beloved, I pray you would have courage! Courage to overcome, to face danger, to confront fear and to live in His victory...His Salvation!

"He is the great God who sends us out like lambs amongst wolves.
Why?
Because the LION is padding by our side." -Graham Cooke

His instrument, His song

2011-02-08T17:59:00.000-08:00

[This post is part of a group synchroblog. This month the bloggers will share stories related to Creativity & Christianity. Check out the awesome blogger's links below! I will add to the list as they come in!]

I have had quite a few art forms impact me in the last 5 years. However, recently, I have been really amazed and blessed through music. Mainly because I have been able to work with an amazing keyboard and vocal coach. A coach that is able to "see art" and potential in me and help bring that to the surface and, a coach that is able bring life lessons into each session.
Initially when I started playing my keyboards I was really nervous. I hammered away at arpeggios and scales with hesitant starts and stops, no rhythm and varied volume. I tended to be too hard on the keys and always getting ahead of the recommended time signature. Unfortunately, not too uncommon as to how I can live my life. I tend to be a little too hard on myself (friend's feedback), hesitate because of fear and try to get ahead of God's time signature.

The good news, my keyboard playing has become more fluent and more in time with the beat! Why? Well, it's because of one thing...practice. A word that I believe my pastor is encouraging me to learn in life too. Practicing giving and receiving grace. Practice "pressing in" and taking risks. Practice waiting on God, letting go and allowing His timing to unfold.

More recently in one of my vocal lessons, my coach was working with me on placement of my voice in my head(or outside of it) to produce the desired sound with the correct volume and the most efficiency of my breath. She proceeded to tell me a story about one of her more advanced students. She told me that he had an amazing session in which he hit everything perfectly and then realized exactly JUST how powerful it was. It was a time that musicians experience that really keeps them hooked...and, where it often becomes VERY spiritual in nature. It was a time of 100% complete surrender and, as my vocal coach put it, a surrender in allowing God to "play the instrument exactly how it was intended to be played"...God's spirit singing through this student and producing His sound...perfect.

So, while practice does help, I believe surrender has to play a part. Surrendering our lives and allowing Him to sing His song in us, over us and through us! That piece I'm still learning too. Practice and surrender. Two very tough lessons. Two that I pray become part of my keyboard playing, singing...and, part of my life. Practice can seemingly keep us heading in a direction towards perfection, improvement & growth. But surrender, I believe can balance that out. A balance and a knowledge of the fact that we can only improve if it is Christ living in and through us, making even our "mistakes" look beautiful...washing away our sins! Allowing us to grow without being too hard on ourselves!

"Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes.
Art is knowing which ones to keep." - Scott Adams

I just believe that if I can continue to remember these things and apply them to life, I will be able to be His instrument and be His instrument exactly as it was intended to be played. A total surrender to Him, allowing whatever art form to be released! Allowing Him to live, paint, speak, write, act, sculpt and sing through me! I also believe this will allow me to see the real beauty and art in myself...and, in others.

What about you, Beloved? Do you have an art form that has taught you some lessons? Can you see art in yourself? In others? It is there, whether it's labeled "Christian/non-Christian", "black/white", "young/old", "male/female", etc.
Do you know your part, your story, your piece, your painting...your song? Well, it's okay if you don't necessarily know all of these details because He DOES! He knows His Beloved intimately...He's the Artist that knows His painting, the Actor His part, the Sculptor His piece, the Author His story and the Musician His song! And He thinks you're beautiful...and you are perfect just the way you are! You are practicing living as His instrument and surrendering because you are His! You ARE His instrument, His song!

Links to Synchrobloggers below:

Bethany Stedman - How God Creates

EmmaNadine - Creativity and Christianity

Bill Sahlman - Created, Continued Creativity

Heidi Renee - Synchroblog Creativity and Christianity

Annie Bullock - Old Things are New

John O'Keefe - What is Half of 11

Tim Nichols - Artist-Priests in God's Poetic World

Maurice Broaddus - The Artist & the Church

Ellen Haroutunian - Creativity & Christianity: It Matters

Kathy Escobar - open.
Steve Hayes - Creativity and Worship
Marta's Mathoms - Mythos and Create-ivity as a Spiritual Act
Peter Walker - Creativity & Christianity
Jeremy Meyers - Creativity: The First Christian Act
Steve Dehner - The Divine Projectionist
William Lecorchick - Heaven and Hell
Jacob Boehlman - God's Magicians
Liz Dyer - Divine Seeing
Minnowspeaks - DNA
Christine Sine - God Created the World by Imagination

Just before dawn

2011-01-20T17:24:00.000-08:00

Rob Thomas has a song called, "Her Diamonds" and honestly, when I first started hearing it on the radio, I enjoyed it, but not necessarily more than any other song. However, I heard his story behind the song and then, watched the video and was touched...deeply. You see, Rob, wrote that song for his wife who struggled through a two year flare-up and recovery from Lupus. Some of you may already know, but Lupus is an auto-immune disorder in which the body attacks healthy cells causing chronic inflammation. It can attack joints, internal organs and skin causing a variety of complications such as heart arrhythmias, chest pain and most commonly reported severe muscle and joint pain. While this list is bad enough, another symptom that I think is probably the most horrible is sensitivity to sunlight.

I don't know about any of you, but if I can't get outside and IN the sun regularly, I get a little grumpy. I've always been an outdoor person and I'm always seeking time and ways to get outside. If I had to STAY inside, out of the sun, it would definitely take a toll.

So, as I watched the video of "Her Diamonds" a parallel to God's Morning Star rising in our hearts started to unfold in my mind...AND, my heart. I thought about seasons of waiting out the darkness. Seasons of struggles, loss, grief and pain. These are just times and seasons where we know we are going to have to walk through the darkness...walk through the pain. And, if you are anything like me, you want the sun to come NOW, QUICKLY...TODAY! I'm the person that reluctantly agrees when my pastor reminds me about things like "riding it out"..."taking time". It's just like the video, which shows a gradual progress through a night of pain, we also wait for that shift to happen as we journey and it happens slowly.

When we enter this darkness, whatever it may be, initially the pain is fatiguing, debilitating, paralyzing...we are frozen. We are in despair and blindness wondering if He is there and wondering if He will come. Slowly with a little bit of "melting away" of that which paralyzes us, we begin to move. We start to move and the movement is BECAUSE of the sun. More "melting away" occurs and we gasp for air and slowly begin to breathe. We may collapse, but we continue our movement as the sun begins to rise. We are now bathed in a gentle light and starting to lift ourselves up because we are in a "just before dawn" twilight. There is hope...hope that the sun is rising. Honestly, this is some of what I thought of as I watched the video.

Another thing that is amazing to think about is Rob's lyrics about how he can't really help his wife:
"It's funny how the night can make you blind, and I can just imagine"
"but if she feels bad then I do too, so I let her be"
"I don't know what I'm supposed to do, so I sit down and I cry too"
"It's hard to see them(tears) on the ground"

But, I think maybe he DOES know how to help her. In our dark times, don't we just want someone to say, they can't imagine what we are going through, that they feel bad and maybe just sit with us...walk with us...CRY with us? I bet it IS hard for a bridegroom to see his bride's tears. In fact, our Bridegroom COLLECTS them!

"You have taken account of my wanderings;
put my tears in Your bottle
are they not in Your book?" -Psalm 56:8(NASB)

If you want, take a moment to watch Rob's video:

So, Beloved, in times of darkness, may you remain faithful and continue to seek Him. Daybreak is coming, the scene is shifting and you will stand in brilliant light. And may the brilliance of this light be fierce and friendly and FUN! You just might be surprised as you look back across the dark field you walked through and see that during those times He WAS there! Every place that you sat down across this field...this dark journey is planted with good because He always traveled with you! AND, slowly and gently He will point to your heart, and you will look down and see Him because an even MORE magnificent daybreak is happening in your heart! It is a joyous day!

"Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear;

then your righteousness will go before you,
and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.
Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;

you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I" - Isaiah 58:8-9

Paralysis in His Presence

2011-01-11T18:04:00.000-08:00

[This post is part of a group synchroblog. This month the bloggers will share stories of epiphany. I will add links to the other synchrobloggers below as they come in. Check out the way cool blogger's links below!]

It was March 11, 2006 and I began the day skiing with a few friends at Breckenridge(Colorado). Just a normal day of hitting the back bowls early and trying to catch "fresh powder"! It was our second run down the Imperial Bowl and to this day, well, I don't know what happened. NO trees around me, no other skiers/snowboarders. I either "caught an edge" or hit ice and began an end over end crash that whip lashed my neck extensively. I remember lying in the aftermath, and everything becoming a "slow motion", just like you experience/hear about when someone describes being in an auto accident.

I was lying face up and STILL can picture in my mind the sky and the clouds as if they were floating by slowly. My friend Carter came to me first and I said, "Carter, you HAVE to start praying, I can't move!" He did...AND, I did! You have to know, I am a VERY private person with prayer and ESPECIALLY with my prayer language. In fact, NO ONE, except my Savior has heard my prayer language. However, that day, I'm pretty sure most everyone in Breckenridge heard it!

It was about 5 minutes into the recovery process that I started moving my legs a little. I started sliding my heels up and down and was so excited, tears started rolling and the ski patrol even had to tell me to STOP moving them! They were trying to be very cautious of my neck and not move it/me. I have to say, the Breckenridge ski patrol did a phenomenal job! One patrol did nothing but hold on to my helmet to keep my head and neck from moving as one dug out snow from underneath me to place a neck collar on. Then, as most of you may have guessed I began the "fun" ride down the hill in the patrol's toboggan!

At the base, I was immediately taken to Breckenridge Medical Center, x-rays were taken(no fractures), but then, the doctor came in and talked to me about my spinal cord...you see, even though I had movement in my legs, my arms were still not moving AND, they were in extreme burning pain! The doctor looked at me and said, "I don't think we have to fly you, we are going to get you to Swedish Medical Center(Denver, CO) by ambulance. But, I'm worried about your spinal cord. I'd like to start Sol-u-Medrol before we transport you." To that I honestly said, "PLEASE!" (yes, the doctor seemed surprised by my response) However, I'm a physical therapist, and THAT day I remember that one of our neuro professors made a comment in class about wanting to get a tattoo on her body that said, "If I have a spinal cord injury, please inject steroid immediately!" Crazy, the things that you remember in those times! You see, research has proven that if you get steroid started with a spinal cord injury in a 3 hour window, the better the recovery! AND, the REALLY amazing thing to think about is the time frame from the VERY top of Breckenridge, to the base and the quick decision by the doctor to do so, was an absolute miracle!

At this point, I had hope. However, the remaining question was why my arms weren't moving. I remember the ambulance guys talking to me. One was giving me a "hard time" trying to make me laugh and the other one responded, "You better be careful, she's going to be able to slap you in a few weeks!" hmmm...hope? What were they talking about? Yea, one of those times/injuries where maybe it's BEST not to know too much about the nervous system. But, they had hope so, at the time, it helped!

I eventually had CAT scans and MRI's done at the hospital in Denver where they found spinal cord damage from a complete herniated C5/C6(lower neck levels) disc and a C4/C5 disc bulge. The MRI's that day showed a squiggly line across the spinal cord which the doctor's pointed out to me as damage. AND, with TWO of my follow ups with Neurosurgeons, I had a "panel" looking at MRI's, scratching their heads, and making me get up and walk down the hall! Still not moving arms, but they were surprised by the damage that I was even walking!

The decision was then that I had NO choice but to have a fusion surgery on my neck. They waited 8 weeks in order to allow some of the swelling to decrease. THEN, another set of MRIs! The amazing thing...this time...NO squiggly line, just some damage left on the front part of the cord!!! Yea, it IS kind of fun to watch God leave doctor's scratching their heads! AND, well, as you might have guessed I had some of my arm movement back! Don't get me wrong, this part took A LOT of hard work with therapy and exercises, but the movement came! AND, the cool thing some of the fine motor skills returned with practice on a keyboard/piano, journaling, knitting AND, water coloring!

As I continued my healing, my total time of intense stuff lasted about 5 months! No driving, lifting, working...VERY hard for a very independent person! So, even MORE miracles seemed to "surface" during this time! Visits and rides from friends...to church, to get groceries, a get well card with a grocery gift card in it, my Alma Mater providing computer work for me to do from home, AND, MANY, MANY, MANY times of powerful contemplation and intimacy with my Savior!

Some might say it was "shock" and well, the human body does do that with trauma, but that was probably only a small part when I was being cared for on the mountain. After that, I believe it was MY epiphany/manifestation of His healing, provision, rest and ROMANCE! You can't explain the "3 hour window" miracle, Neurosurgeons unable to explain damage vs. function, decreased damage across the spinal cord 8 weeks later(the nervous system is SLOW in healing), walking, return of arm/hand movement(my livelihood), provision and AMAZING calmness of heart and peace in my soul! I remember times when I could spend HOURS in contemplation, praise or even doing my artwork without a single care or distraction!

His presence in my paralysis seemingly CARRIED me through one of the worst things that I've had to go through! If this manifestation was a "wilderness by default" well, I don't care, He was THERE! And the beautiful thing NOW! I REALLY KNOW what my patients are going through! I can relate to severe neurological hypersensitivity and PAIN! I now carry that understanding and compassion into every patient room I walk into. And my prayer is that they would SEE that compassion as Christ in me! For I am and THEY are His Beloved!

Here is a list of participants with links to their contributions:

Ellen Haroutunian - Stories of Epiphany

Kathy Escobar - Orphans

Mike Victorino - What To Do?

Beth Patterson - A Robust Universe Includes The Botched and Bungled

Jeff Goins - The Manifestation of God

Jeremy Myers - Pagan Prophecies of Christ

Mark Smith - Manifestation of God

Minnow - When God Shows Up

Alan Knox - A Day I Saw Jesus

Liz Dyer - God Breaking Through Moments

Josh Morgan - The Manifestation of God

Steve Hayes - Theophany: the manifestation of God

Sarah Bassey - In which Annie opens the door of her heart

Katherine Gunn - Who is God

Christine Sine - Eve of Epiphany-We Have Come, We Have Seen, Now We Must Follow

Peter Walker - Epiphany Outside Theophany (Outside Christianity)

Annie Bullock - God With Us

Sloppy Wet Kiss!

2010-09-18T21:12:00.000-07:00

While listening to Jesus Culture today, I was struck by the way Kim Walker sings/writes about Psalm 85...
"So heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss and my heart turns violently inside of my chest. I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way...that He loves us..."

Very powerful and yet, FUN for me to think about a "sloppy wet kiss"! The first thing I think about when a kiss is described this way is a dog and it makes me smile! I love dogs! I believe they can be used by God so we can experience what His love, forgiveness and loyalty truly is! Have you ever heard of anyone talk about the "Heavenly Hound"? The way God just keeps loving us over and over and over again every time we "come home to Him" and He is just SO HAPPY to see us and SO HAPPY we're home! It doesn't matter if we really screwed up the day before or just an hour ago or whatever, He greets us at the door with a "sloppy wet kiss" and loves us anyway! He's happy...we're home!

Now, I'm not trying to take away from the beautiful depth in the way Psalm 85 describes the Cross. I just think it's fun to think about and it brings me JOY! Joy is definitely found at the cross! And to add this to what I previously have held in my heart when I've read Psalm 85 just blows me away! I think my heart DOES want to "turn violently inside of my chest"! I really don't think our hearts could handle all that the Cross represents!

Psalm 85 is sometimes one of my favorite Psalms to meditate on. To sit and just imagine the God of the Universe reaching down to us as we reach up to Him with the VERY faith that HE gave us?! It IS what my heart wants and NEEDS in order to TRULY surrender to Him and worship Him! Here's the main verses I'm referring to...

"Steadfast love and faithfulness meet; righteousness and peace kiss each other. Faithfulness springs up from the ground, and righteousness looks down from the sky. Yes, the LORD will give what is good,
and our land will yield its increase. Righteousness will go before him and make his footsteps a way."
-Psalm 85:10-13(ESV)

And, if you have time, you should listen to Jesus Culture's, "How He Loves Us"...

Beloved, I pray Psalm 85 touches the depths of your heart and soul like it did for me today! And, as His Beloved, may we all experience the JOY of a "Sloppy Wet Kiss"!

The Few & The Narrow

2010-06-25T16:36:00.000-07:00

So often I have to remind myself of a couple of scriptures when it comes to the lack of interest in serving the church. I was a member of a pretty big church for 7 years and I remember how it seemed like the same few people did all the “work”. Same people interceding, same people serving communion, so on and so forth. AND, well serving His church also includes reaching out and including the broken-hearted, the lost, the lonely…the “least of these”.

2And he said to them, "The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few. Therefore pray earnestly to the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into his harvest. 3Go your way; behold, I am sending you out as lambs in the midst of wolves. –Luke 10:2-3(ESV)

Graham Cooke often says his ministry is “reaching Christians for Christ”…and, while I laugh at that statement (because it’s funny), I also ache inside a little because so often that is the case! We as Christians just sometimes don’t GET IT!!! We are SO COMFORTABLE in America that if reaching out and including people doesn’t fit into our schedules, life-style or clique…well, we are just not going to do it! It seems to me that Jesus’ ministry was primarily filled with finding…even going out of His way (Woman at the well) to reach the fatherless, the rejected, the needy…which can be any of us…anyone that is HONEST with their brokenness!

It’s hard to be honest about brokenness, but sometimes, when we are, we realize we are not alone…ALL of us are broken! And, the interesting thing to me is the way God reveals this is often through those in our community in which we least expect it!

“Community is the place where the person you least want to live with, always lives!”-Henri Nouwen

So, I tried another big church for awhile and well, I wonder why this was the same case with a "few workers"!? Hmmm…can Satan have us so deceived that we don’t follow our mission? Do we need to have a “come to Jesus meeting” with each other? OR, do we need to pray that we would LIVE the mission and connect with each other? Well, YES, PRAYER is the obvious choice, but I believe we also need to just realize that maybe FEW will truly reach the harvest?! Few because I believe the choice to serve like Jesus wants us to also is HARD and well, NARROW! Few actually choose to connect with those in their community and serve.

13"Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. 14For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few. –Matthew 7:13-14(ESV)

The narrow gate is hard because it often is the uncomfortable route for most of us. It includes obedience, discipline, suffering, pain and SURRENDERING! Surrendering our lives daily to God’s will! Just this past week, my small group studied and discussed surrendering.

I have to admit…a VERY hard thing for me sometimes! Probably because it IS including the narrow way! But, WHY is it that I want the wide gate? This gate leads to destruction? Probably because I believe the wide gate IS the best and may be “easy” in the short-term, but then, eventually leads to my harm. So, right now, the choice again is PRAYER! Prayer that I would have the COURAGE to enter that narrow gate, surrender and serve those Christ wants me to serve!

Again, I would like to share a poem God gave me as I processed surrendering…

Heartbeat of God

Laying my head
Upon Your chest
Your pulse I hear
As I rest.

You gently say,
“I am here.”
“No more worry,
No more fear!”

Heartbeat of God
Beat with mine
Restore my soul
Take my life.

In Your Comfort
I am still
Beside Your stream
In Your Will.

Walking in peace
Guide my step
Your rhythm leads
Right or left.

Heartbeat of God
Beat with Mine
Restore my soul
Take my life.
-Tammy Carter

So, as His Beloved, I pray we would be part of the few to reach the harvest, enter the narrow gate...AND surrender to Him! Surrender because I believe He will restore our souls giving us rest, peace, trust, faith and HOPE!

Let's be "Christian about this thing"!

2010-05-22T14:24:00.000-07:00

Okay, who doesn't think that The Blind Side is one of the best movies EVER?! Unbelievable! I won't give too much away, but there is a conversation in there that you have to be paying attention to in order to catch. It's a scene early on in the movie where Big Mike is lying on the couch of a couple who has "taken him in" and the couple is arguing about what to do...here's the conversation:

Woman: I’m tired of having someone always in our home. I’m tired of him eating all the food.

Man: Look, man, you gotta be Christian about this thing.

Woman: Let somebody else be Christian about this thing.

Man: Dee, come on, I can’t kick him out on the street like he’s some dog.

Woman: Let somebody else take the responsibility.

WOW..."Let somebody else be Christian about this thing"?!?! "Let somebody else take the responsibility"?!?! Couldn't believe my ears...then, it hit me...isn't that US? Don't WE put off everything that isn't convenient, scheduled, comfortable, responsible...the "Christian thing to do"? I mean, this guy was homeless and kept having nightmares that flashed back to childhood trauma and this woman says, "Let somebody else be Christian about this thing"?!

I do know Jesus came for the sick...the wounded...the traumatized. And, as I have mentioned before, one of my pastors made the comment about how Jesus was always hanging out with people with problems. And, well, in my opinion, we all have problems. But, I know He uses us in each other's lives to heal and to "bind up the broken-hearted" so, I think I need to take a little inventory. Am I reaching out to the sick...or, am I only hanging out with those that are "normal" or "comfortable"? Tough question for any of us to answer. I've heard A LOT of talk about community and connecting and getting messy...but, I haven't SEEN OR DONE a lot to put this into practice.

So, I wonder, can we "cross" other barriers or segregation lines to form community? Lines like race, sex, color, health, intelligence, wealth, appearance, etc. I think if we did this more often, it would bless and heal more in our lives than we could ever imagine!!!

Back to The Blind Side...
Well, somebody else WAS "Christian about this thing"!...or to the traumatized and homeless, Big Mike! This lady, Leigh Anne, SAW him and INVITED him into their home. She didn't give up on him and even when he didn't trust and tried to run. She was persistent, loved him and DIDN'T give up on him!

She even walked away from some "high society"/financially wealthy friends! One of her friends made a comment to her about how she was changing Big Mike's life...well, Leigh Anne promptly responded with, "No, he's changing ours!"

So, if you haven't seen this movie...DO SO!!! Then, watch it again...then again...and well, maybe again! If you don't have the access or the time...well, read the Beatitudes Matthew 5:1-12...and then, read it again...and again....and again!!! :-)

Wake up, Beloved! He is everywhere....even in those you may have overlooked, abandoned and maybe thought you were "better than". Jesus shows up in some many different places...often where we least expect it and often where we think we need turn away from! The "least of these" changes so often and quickly...you are where you are only because of Him...and, that can change in a blink of an eye!

I believe Leigh Anne knew that...and she WAS "Christian about this thing"!!!

God have mercy on Your Beloved!

"Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy," -Matthew 5:7

Knit II

2010-04-08T17:09:00.000-07:00

Hey my fellow brothers and sisters! I know, I know…you all are maybe sick of my knitting fixation…BUT, God is teaching me so much through this that I want to share His blessings!

I recently started a new knitting project. And, with good timing, I received the book, “Knitting for dummies”! While it is a good teaching book for the task itself…some of the words really made me think about this life God has given us and how He has knitted us all together as one body to display His perfect design!

As you all read, my last lesson(blog) took me through Psalm 139 and seeing the way He has knitted us together individually! But, recently, I read Col. 2:2-3 and Col. 2:19 and God reveled the many ways He has knitted us all together as one body:

Briefly, Col. 2:2-3 the ESV and NIV translations:
“knit together in love” & “united in love”
BUT, expanding The Message paraphrase REALLY hit my heart:
“WOVEN INTO A TAPESTRY OF LOVE”!

Wow, what an amazing God! I picture all of us joined in prayer together, carrying one another’s burdens and loving on one another! Then, I imagine God just looks down and smiles on us because He sees that this “joining together” is beautiful…it creates a perfect design and He loves it…loves US!

Then, Col. 2:19…
ESV: “nourished and knit together”, NIV: “supported and held together”!
And, well, again my favorite…The Message:
“Christ, who puts us together in one piece, whose very breath and blood flow through us”

Again, I love how God brings us together! And well, it is LOVE that brings us together! And, if you’ve read one of my past blogs on love( http://blessingthebeloved.blogspot.com/2009/07/humility-sacrifice-love.html ) well, you know my thoughts on love. And, it’s not always love as maybe the WORLD thinks of love. Sometimes it’s messy and painful…but, it always seems to teach us something and lead us back to HIM! It IS sacrifice...sacrifice of our souls for one another…just as Christ did on the Cross!

So, my family LOVED me well this week! Lots of prayers for my heart that have driven me back into my OVERCOMING phase!!! As you all read in my last poem…I truly HAVE seen His hand work in my life as an overcomer!
As many of you know, God has given me the courage to get beyond the trials this year and set some goals in getting back to what I used to do! I made a great list of things and was able to accomplish most of them! Just a FEW:
1. Back on the skis!
2. Hiked above 14000’…first time in four years!
3. Returned to church and prayer team!
4. Return to my career as a manual therapist!
5. Cycled over 65 miles…again, first time in four years! AND, the JOY as my fellow cyclists remember my famous, “It’s Shammy Time!” shout before a ride!
6. Returned to running!

The list goes on! Just a few praises! I did hit a slump lately with some pain issues, but yet, He still sustains me and I just keep moving forward! I know He has us all intertwined and knit together for a reason…it’s just sometimes hard to see that reason in the midst of painful realizations! But, it IS pain and suffering that we are blessed to share in with Christ! His suffering redeemed us all! His blood shed on the Cross for US!!! I imagine it is HIS blood that flows through all of us…knitting us together in love!

I am blown away by how He is working all things for good! As I just told a few good friends…I have never been SO close to the “threshold of hope” in my entire life!!! I love community and the importance of sharing in these things and being able to pray for one another...we truly are knit together for His good purposes! If you’re looking for a good blog on community or one person’s AMAZING dreams about community…you need to check out Kathy Escobar’s blog on it:
http://kathyescobar.com/2010/01/17/dreams-re-dux/

Okay, thank you, my community for reading yet another KNIT blog! I’m thinking this next project or garment I’m knitting is going to be the best! I am getting better you know…despite all of my short-comings, I am His Beloved and well, He loves where I’m at and SO LOVES my potential! After all, He knit me together…knitted US together! Praise God we are ONE as His Beloved!

A Wounded Heart

2010-03-28T19:23:00.000-07:00

In celebration of the first day of Passover, I thought I'd share another poem. One that recently helped free my heart of some wounds. It is a progress of revisiting a past and then "seeing" the redemptive work of Christ on the Cross for me...for all of us! I don't know about all of you, but as His Beloved, I became excited about entering the wilderness today! Why? Because He ALWAYS "captivates my heart, and speaks KINDLY to me"(Hosea 2:14-15)! Let's get the heck out of Egypt!!!

A Wounded Heart

A raging hemorrhage
In the depths of my soul.
Where was He?
Where did He go?
As I lie in darkness
With no control.

A tremendous shock
That deadens the pain.
Is this real?
Is this the train?
That runs through my nightmares
As of late.

An image that scars
Repressed to survive.
Has it surfaced?
Why won’t it die?
Along with the damage
To my heart and mind.

A childhood lost
To the violent abuse.
Where is the hope?
What’s the use?
In trying to hide
The numbing truth.

A Pandora’s Box
With a Perfect Storm.
Did this reveal?
The long-ignored
Desire inside
To be adored.

A wounded heart
With an eternal shift
Is this Grace?
Is this the Gift?
For myself and others
Repent, Forgive.

A hope for love
A return of Christ.
He is here!
He is Alive!
Pursuing my heart
Restoring my life!

A child that is held
A child that is free!
Abba Father!
Yeshua!
Joy of salvation
Dying for me!

-Tammy Carter(3/6/10)

Knit Together

2010-01-17T19:21:00.000-08:00

13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.

14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful,
I know that full well. -Psalm 139:13-14

I recently was overwhelmed with awe for my Savior as I read Psalm 139 and meditated on the thought of Him knitting me together! The thought of a Divine hand weaving my soul together with a unique pattern and design. And, I wonder why I can doubt so much and why I can go into so much self-contempt!? What happens to us as we leave the womb and enter the world? A fallen world that bombards us with lies every day. So, as I am working on my own knitting project, I pray. I pray that God would show me His pattern for my life and set me on a course of TRULY knowing He took great care in designing me!

It's amazing to think about the Creator of the universe sitting down to knit me together! I think about my knitting projects and the excitement in choosing the thread, the pattern, the weave, the design, etc. Did God Himself get excited about going and choosing the thread for my life? Wow! That's hard to believe, but as much as He loves us, I bet He did! Every aspect of the creation(us) exciting a designer that was SO pleased and happy with His design! The God of the universe sitting down to knit!!! I imagine Him being so patient as He brings about the perfect color, pattern, design and order that gives the final project it's beauty!

In the past, it has been so easy for me to be amazed by God's creation of land and nature because I've been so attracted to the outdoors! I love being in His mountains and seeing His overwhelming Majesty! The beautiful lakes, streams and wild flowers that line the mountains and the sight of a hawk soaring above a meadow that completes His perfect canvas! In the mountains I can truly SEE His handiwork and KNOW He is an artist!

So, to think about God as an artist in creating me? Wow! I have to admit, not something that I have pondered and grasped as much as I have lately. I believe I've been able to SEE others, but in the sense of seeing their hearts and the GOOD in them! So, looking at others as God's art is amazing to think about! I wonder if that is some of what the band Jars of Clay were thinking when they wrote the song, "Art in me"? Here are some of the lyrics:
In your picture book I'm trying hard to see
Turning endless pages of this tragedy
Sculpting every move you compose a symphony
You plead to everyone, "see the art in me"

So, can I see the art in me? In others? Can we see the art in each other? I sure hope so! And, I hope we can learn to see it better and better as we encounter one another in community! For I also believe God has intertwined our lives together by His Spirit. We ARE one! Designed to be one in Him! What a beautiful thing to think about!

Right now, I think God might even be repairing and carefully picking up some "dropped stitches" of my life! I know when I drop stitches in my own knitting projects, I often go running to friends who can help me fix it. Sometimes, yes, I am able to fix the error myself, but I am so happy to have friends who can help me when I can't.

So, as I have pondered these things about knitting and God as a knitter...well, I pray we all would see the beautiful design that He has created in ourselves and in others. I pray we would allow God through our community to pick up dropped stitches and truly SEE each other as His perfect creation! SEE it Beloved, His creative expression is in all of us!

His Invitation

2010-01-09T18:27:00.000-08:00

I'm sitting here thinking about lyrics to Shawn McDonald's song "Have you ever"...
"Have you ever wanted to be someone else?
Have you ever wanted just to be someone?
Have you ever wanted to reach your dreams?
Have you ever wanted life to be more than it seems?"

So, true confession...as a single person well, YES, I have wanted to be someone else. I see so many beautiful women and their beautiful families and think, "God, why can't I have that?" Now, I'm not trying to say that the grass is greener. I know plenty of marriages in which the grass IS NOT greener! I'm just saying that there is a definite heart pain in observing what seems to be "perfect people"..."perfect families"...or, what I'm wanting to say right now...the "beautiful people"!

Beautiful people that seem to have hope. But, do they? I'm not sure. I'm not sure because I guess I've never seen them "in the trenches". Meaning, what does their church-going and faith look like when stripped of family, money, comforts or acceptance? AND, what does their faith look like when approached by someone that may not be as beautiful as them or as smart or whatever? Do they get in the trenches and LOVE...ACCEPT....INVITE or INCLUDE? DO THEY SHARE THEIR HOPE??? Their HOPE just might be what helps another brother or sister grow and heal!

Have you ever seen Casting Crowns video of "Does anybody hear her?" Pretty powerful video that shows a lone girl desiring to go to church and be included with a group of people. Time after time, they pass her by. And, I think of the line that says,
"Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me."

Hope tucked away in you and me? Yes, Jesus Christ! And, would Jesus pass her by knowing she NEEDS hope? He wouldn't. He would stop, take the time to talk with her, be with her and invite her to be with Him.
Are we keeping our hope tucked away? Are we the superficial church that has forgotten His invitation and His command to LOVE, ACCEPT, INCLUDE...and, INVITE?

Where is His invitation? It's always there. It's just not always there through you and me, is it? As His Beloved, may we supernaturally feel His love and hope IN US and may we all learn to share that hope and not tuck it away. Because His Invitation IS through you and me...giving each other HOPE!

Out of the darkness?

2010-01-01T16:05:00.001-08:00

"It's dark in here...very dark. I can't see You, I can't hear You...where are You, God?"

In all honesty, I think that became my most used phrase in my journal this past year. Crying out to God in the midst of hardship, loneliness and pain. Happy to have 2009 over with...praying for a better 2010!

However, this past year did make me re-evaluate true blessings...OR as one of my Christian sisters put it, "Silver Linings"! Just waking every morning and saying, "This is the day that the Lord has made! I will rejoice and be glad in it!" Okay, some mornings it didn't come out as chipper as maybe you just read that. But, I WAS thankful for the provision of groceries, a car, gas in the car...day by day of not knowing where these things would come from. He provided...and well, I guess I have to be honest and say that I probably wasn't thankful all of the time. In fact, I'm pretty sure I still complained and cried out to Him!

So, I'm thankful prayers came, intermittent times of worship happened and I am still in love with my Savior...thankful for His promise to not let anything snatch me away from His hand! But, instead of a day by day thankfulness...well, it seemed to be a day by day "fight" with a hardened heart, pain, loneliness, anger and bitterness. And, at times I DID wonder if He was even there. I hate that I struggled so...and well, still do. But, I also hate that in this struggle, fear gripped me and kept me from reaching out. So, I isolated...afraid to tell anyone of my struggles...especially my Christian friends. Those around me seemed to have perfect lives! Plenty of social events, family, physical health, finances, etc.

Have you ever just wanted someone to know the REAL you and not judge you? I think we all have. A community that would sit with you until physical pain subsides...someone to SEE your heart and HEAR what you are saying...and, someone that actually would not leave?! I think too often in the Christian community, we hide behind "boundaries". We take this pop-psychology theory and decide we are not going to get messy and involved with those in need...the wounded...the sick, etc. and we say, "Oh, they need help from someone else...I have to set my boundaries and take care of me!" Selfish? Narcissistic? Yes! I'm not saying we push limits in an unhealthy way...but, why NOT get a little messy? Recently, my pastor talked about how Jesus was always hanging out with those with "problems"! So, can we get messy and be around those with problems? Another one of my pastors also talked about when Lazarus came out of the grave Jesus didn't tell counselors, pastors, "the professionals" to remove his grave clothes...he said YOU remove his grave clothes!!! His family and friends that were there! Jesus wanted Lazarus' community to remove his grave clothes!

Why can't we get messy and remove a few grave clothes from our brothers and sisters? Are we selfish with our time? Are we afraid we might look "bad"...ruin our reputation? Are we wanting to stay in the comfort zone that has no room for the poor and the oppressed? I sure hope not. I pray I wouldn't miss Jesus in the "least of these" and miss the blessing He has for me through them...through me? Yes, I believe I am considered the least of these in a lot of ways! I've been exposed to plenty of people who "in this world" are definitely higher status than I am. And, well, I can't lie...it has hurt to know they have rejected me because of my status and who I may or may not be rubbing elbows with! OR...maybe they think I have "problems"! And, yes, I do! But, we all do...we all need Him...we all need each other! We all need a few grave clothes removed!

But, in the midst of some of this horrible rejection...I saw it! I saw what the world is drawn to! And, I WAS drawn to it too! Drawn to a worldly status of comfort, looks/clothes, cars, people, money, etc. The list goes on and on! AND, probably the biggest thing that concerns me for all of us in our struggles against what we worship...happiness...worldly happiness! What I would call "The New Age Happiness Gospel!" Where no one ever shows lamentation, grieving or sadness...because that is weakness! My prayer is we all would KNOW the true meaning of JOY!!! Joy=calm delight! Calm delight in our Savior! Some of the most depressed people by the world's definition are probably the most joyful in the Kingdom! KINGDOM LIVING! Praying we all would strive to live this way!

Well, I believe I am coming out of the darkness! And, in His time, I will look back and see more silver linings than I'm able to see now. And, I pray I'd be more and more in love with Jesus! I end with sharing a poem I wrote on my 18th Spiritual Birthday this summer. I had a friend encourage me to meditate on the Beatitudes...considering all that I had just gone through.

So, even though I'm sitting here in all honesty declaring I failed...failed miserably in being thankful everyday and failed in being a "good Christian"...well, He still held me...IS holding me and WILL hold me! He HAS and WILL bless me! I'm hanging on to that promise...as His Beloved!

Poor or Rich?

You have no money,

but you're pure in heart.

A heart He softens

and tightly guards.

You're poor in Spirit

and can mourn for days.

The Kingdom is yours

you're rich in faith.

You hunger & thirst

with meekness inside.

Inherit the earth

be satisfied!

You're falsely accused

rejected by men

Receive His Mercy,

Mercy you give.

You take steps towards peace

and humbly confess.

Child of God

you are blessed!

So take His anointing,

The Spirit in you.

Love the oppressed,

Bring the good news!

-Tammy Carter(8/6/09)

Matt. 5:3-12, Is. 61:1, Jas 2:5

A thousand tears

2009-08-03T06:26:00.000-07:00

A thousand screams
come ripping through the clouds
Why so many
that don’t understand what it’s about
Night after night
on top of their thrones
Searching and searching
for the one way home
For a limited time
they fulfill their need
Only to realize
the lust, the greed
I cry out to God
to show them His Son
That they would listen
and hear all He has done
That one Roman nail
would soften their hearts
Showing them home
and where love gets its start
I continue to pray
as I feel their pain
A thousand tears
come rolling down my face
-Tammy Carter

Good Samaritan and no good sinners!

2009-08-02T11:08:00.000-07:00

"love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself." - Luke 10:27

In a Lectio Divina study recently, our leader asked us to read this passage, Luke 10:25-37, and then jot down all the words that "stuck out". The crazy thing, here's what I wrote down: fallen, robbed, stripped, beaten, abandoned, left, half-dead & avoided! After a crazy year, which most of us have had, I assume that was just the place I was at in dealing with an overwhelming valley. But, then I got to thinking...that is actually ALL of us! I mean, think about it...all of us have fallen, we are sinners at our best! Sinners that walk through life being robbed, stripped, beaten, abandoned, left, half-dead and avoided! In SOME way we've all been there...and in some way we have actually wounded others with these things! Yes, it is true, "we all fall short"(Rom. 3:23). :-/

Hope I didn't burst anyone's bubble there! But no matter how much we try to think we are not to blame, that other's sin is worse than ours or that others have deep wounds to work on and we don't, etc...well, we will just never ever be right on any of these statements. Truth is, we all suffer and struggle with the SAME issues! So, instead of avoiding or abandoning "our neighbor", we need to do the best we can to help them!

Grace, mercy, forgiveness, love, acceptance, prayer...wish these would've been the words that stuck out as I read that passage! But, just as I have been wounded, I have wounded others by these things and so, I need a Savior to help me! I need a Savior to give me give the grace, the forgiveness, the mercy, the love and the compassion for the wounded! My brothers and sisters need these things from me...from Jesus! Let's just face it, we all need Jesus' eyes for everyone...including ourselves!

"The more you share My(Jesus) life with Me, the less you will choose to judge and condemn, and the more you will desire to reach out and rescue."- John Sielski

"However, don't become emittered by the men and women who took advantage of you. Remember that you and they share many of the same struggles." - Mike Klassen

"But if we are the Body Why aren't His arms reaching Why aren't His hands healing Why aren't His words teaching? And if we are the Body Why aren't His feet going Why is His love not showing them there is a way There is a way?" - Casting Crowns

"But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. He went to him and bandaged his wounds" -Luke 10:33-34

So, as "no good" sinners, I pray He would give us all the grace, mercy, compassion, strength, knowledge and wisdom to BE good Samaritans...in His Name! May we bind up wounds, love each other and "go and do likewise"(Luke 10:37)

Triune Comfort

2009-07-13T06:59:00.000-07:00

Holy Spirit, Comforter
It is You I breathe
In my sorrow and despair
Deep calls to deep.

Jesus my Savior
It is You I need
In the Garden, with Your Father
My shame at Your feet.

Oh Lord, my helper
It is You I seek
In my coming and going
You neither slumber nor sleep.

Spirit intercede
Bring Your Garment of Praise
As I grow Faint
And call out Your Name.

Jesus, Maranatha
Today for me
A faintly burning wick
And a bruised reed.

Lord be with me
Your promise I read
Neither leaving nor forsaking
In days of grief.

Indwelling Holy Spirit
Rejoicing in me
During my struggles
In flesh that’s weak.

Jesus, Prince of Peace
Bringing good cheer
Overcoming the world
Overcoming my fear.

God of Compassion
Source of my Strength
Mourning to Dancing
Declaring Your Praise.
-Tammy Carter

Humility, Sacrifice & Love!

2009-07-12T13:46:00.000-07:00

"We love because He first loved us!" - 1 John 4:19(NIV)

LOVE. What does it mean? On the surface, I think it means to be fond of, affectionate and attracted to something...someone? On a deeper level, I think it means to sacrifice. A sacrifice of self. And, on a deeper level, I believe that is what God meant when He told us to LOVE. We sacrifice, because He first sacrificed for us! So, it's definitely not easy to love...TRULY love! It does mean that we sacrifice or lay down our lives!

"Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." -John 15:13(NIV)

Now we see that love is the act of laying down our lives! If you look up life in the Hebrew or in any expository dictionary you will find many words like breath, heart & soul. So, how do we lay down our breath? Our hearts? Our SOUL??? Now, I suddenly feel like love is impossible...TRUE love. For laying down our soul consists of laying down our own will, mind & emotions. How many of us TRULY DO THIS? If I had to be honest, I can say that I have been guilty of loving someone without truly sacrificing my own will! Seriously, loving isn't easy! It's HARD! Because it is never something that "fits" into our schedules conveniently and goes along with our own will...or our emotions! So, laying down my life for my friends should be the sacrifice of getting up in the middle of the night to help a friend who's car just broke down, the giving of my money and time...even when you are "short" on those things, taking the call at three a.m. to listen, to be, to forgive...to LOVE!

The other component of TRUE LOVE...humility.

"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love." - Ephesians 4:2(NIV)

So, AGAIN, another "hard" component of love! Humility is "lowering" yourself, crucifying your selfish and fleshly desires to truly LOVE someone...your neighbor, your sister...your family.

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves." - Philippians 2:3(NIV)

The moment we start to love someone for what we can get(emotional happiness, will of wanting to be married, thinking they are giving us 'fun'/happiness, etc.) from them...it is no longer love. It IS selfish ambition! We are no longer loving, sacrificing, humbling ourselves...TRULY LOVING!

My prayer today, to love...TRULY LOVE! And yes, as I see it now, it is a very scary prayer...for thus continues the PROCESS that we walk with Jesus...dying to self and sacrificing! Sacrificing in LOVE to truly see everyone around us through Jesus' eyes! Seeing their hearts...the very hearts that just may TRULY LOVE us back! And that is when it gets SO GOOD that all we want to do is sit before Him and thank Him!!! Because we actually DO receive something...

"For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with LOVE. For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. For whoever lacks these qualities is so nearsighted that he is blind, having forgotten that he was cleansed from his former sins. Therefore brothers, be all the more diligent to make your calling and election sure, for if you practice these qualities you will never fall. For in this way there will be richly provided for you an entrance into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ." - 2 Peter 1:5-11(ESV)

We receive "an entrance into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ"! We gain SALVATION! Salvation of our breath, our life...our souls! What an astonishing and LOVING God we serve!

Dance Beloved, Dance!

2009-06-17T14:39:00.000-07:00

I love my Father in Heaven. However, I periodically forget how much He loves me and that He SO wants to romance my heart AND have ALL of it. Have I given Him ALL of my heart? Well, sadly no. I WANT to, I sit before Him and TRY to. But, how do we really surrender ALL of our heart to Him? And, how do we GUARD our hearts(Proverbs 4:23)? If you're anything like me, you're somewhat too quick to give it to just anyone almost?! I'm not proud of this, but in my past I would say this is true. But, I believe in the trials and errors I've learned a few things a long the way! Valuable life-long lessons that have taught me to pray blessings on everyone...and, I mean EVERYONE...even my "enemies", those who have hurt me, those I have hurt, etc. After all, we all have been hurt, wounded and cursed. We all could use blessings...His blessings! It is these very blessings that change us and change who we are in our Spirit and this I believe CAN flow into the soul AND the body! Yes, even the body...the temporal temple CAN be healed! What an amazing thing to think about! His healing flowing into our bodies and allowing us to move paralyzed arms, arthritic joints or broken bones!
"Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones you have crushed rejoice." -Psalm 51:8(NIV)
"Tune me in to foot-tapping songs, set these once-broken bones to dancing." -Psalm 51:8(The Message)
Wow! Don't you just love The Message version...'dancing'! Can I dance before Him and give Him all of my heart? I don't know. I CAN dance. I CAN dance before Him! And in that dancing, I can only hope and pray that He would give me the strength and the courage to surrender...surrendering all of my heart to Him. And, in that surrendering, I pray that He would hold my heart and guard it. So many times I have failed to guard it...so, I NEED Him. I need Him to take my heart and hold it, protect it, fill it and keep it...all the days of my life! That is my prayer. Not only for me, but for you, my brothers and sisters. May we all surrender our heart and dance before Him. And, in that dancing, He WILL bless the Beloved! For YOU are His Beloved!